Community Agreements for Courageous Conversation

Adapted from Courageous Conversations About Race: A Field Guide for Achieving Equity In Schools (2006) Glenn E. Singleton, Curtis Linton & Gay-Straight Alliance Guidelines for Respectful Discussion and The People’s Supper organization.

Be Present

• We encourage you to turn off your phone or silence notifications during our time together, and to check your to-do’s at the door.

Stick with “I” Statements

• We are each our own best expert. Your experience is yours and please honor and respect that others’ experiences are theirs.

• Avoid advice-giving unless someone requests it. No fixing, saving, advising, or correcting each other.

• Speak your truth without shame or blame. Be willing to take risks and be absolutely honest about your thoughts, feelings and opinions, rather than just saying what you perceive others want to hear. 

Share the Air

• Be patient and respectful with speaking turns and speaking times.

• Notice that you’re talking more than others? Step back and give other voices a chance to be heard. Silence can be powerful together, and we welcome what silence has to say as much as speech.

Honor differences

• Licensed social worker and researcher Brené Brown states that "We need to dispel the myth that empathy is 'walking in someone else's shoes.' Rather than walking in your shoes, I need to learn how to listen to the story you tell about what it's like in your shoes and believe you even when it doesn't match my experiences."

• We know how powerful the words "me, too" can be, but be careful of equating experiences, and trying to relate to something you can’t.

Practice brave space

• Be willing to be uncomfortable. Keep in mind: For those who’ve been most marginalized, there is no such thing as a safe space. And too often, we confuse a safe space with a comfortable space. Learning to sit with each other’s truths means we have to learn to sit with discomfort.

Expect and accept non-closure

• We’re in it for the long-haul. There is no “quick fix” or solution to the challenges of racism, religious discrimination, bigotry, or fear of “other”. Be prepared to leave with more questions than answers, and to keep wrestling with what you hear yourself and others say in the days and months ahead.

Take it to the source (the 48 Hour Rule)

• If someone says something that deeply challenges you or your beliefs or says something that you want to challenge, you have 24-48 hours to go directly to that person and engage in a conversation about what was said, & encourage others to do the same. If you choose not to go to that person within that time frame, then make a conscious choice to let it go.

Keep it Confidential

• What happens at the table stays at the table! No sharing quotes or identifying details beyond the table without explicit permission from other participants.